


Best Laid Plans

by StarTravel



Series: Defiance Through Tenderness [20]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Mentions/Concerns about Abuse but no Actual Depictions Of Abuse, Miles Has Actual Reasons for Not Trusting Garak, Miscommunication, Or Garak and Odo in 3.21, POV Julian Bashir, This Is Not As Dark As The Tags Imply, Unreliable Narrator, brief mention of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 13:06:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17345765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTravel/pseuds/StarTravel
Summary: Julian comes back from Risa refreshed and madly in love. Too bad awkward moments in the roundabout and Miles O’Brien feel the need to drag him back down towards reality.





	Best Laid Plans

 Julian can tell Garak feels tense from the moment he puts his uniform back on, his shoulders growing stiffer with each step they take toward the runabout. Julian understands; going back to their real lives after Risa _is_ rather jarring. He can see why Garak might need to spend the first hour of their ride in complete silence.

 Still, Julian can’t quite help sneaking a quick smile at Garak, pressing his hands together against his lap as he tilts his head towards Garak. Garak catches his gaze, something almost worried coming across his expression as he watches Julian start to orbit him again. Julian tries to school his face into a less lovesick expression, something dignified and Cardassian. His voice still comes out softer than he thinks Garak will like. “Thank you, for all of this.”

 “Think nothing of it, my dear.” Garak tells him with the same distance he’s had since their morning romp in the hotel. He doesn’t look at Julian while he speaks, eyes instead following asteroids as though he expects Jem H’adar to come flying out of them any second. Though really, with how ridiculously terrible this war’s been going, that wouldn’t even phase him. Better than the Vorta.

 Julian takes a few measured breaths as he watches Garak watch the stars, a stillness that’s alien to them coming over the moment. Julian smiles again softly, brushing a hand near, but not quite touching, Garak’s elbow. Somehow this moment feels too fragile for even that. “You saved me when I was trying to drown myself in self-pity.”

 “I just wanted you to stop being so maudlin.” Garak mutters dismissively, though Julian notices the way his gaze flickers over him for a few seconds thoughtfully. Then Garak turns his eyes back to the empty space in front of them, the sky nearly pitch black from the lack of a sun in this sector. It will be hours before their back to the Defiant. Garak shrugs suddenly, voice airy and borderline contemptuous when he speaks. “It doesn’t make for enjoyable company and it was hardly good for the war effort.”

 “Well, hopefully my company in the future will be enough to make up for that.” Julian answers back in a slightly unsteady voice, gaze turning away from Garak and down towards the sleeves of his uniform. They look almost alien after four days of bare arms and he tries to focus on that and not the sinking feeling in his stomach. Cardassians flirt by conflict, Julian knows that. But their arguments have always been flirtatious and playful, not the almost genuine dismissiveness in Garak’s voice now. Julian has only heard that once before, when wires still kept them apart with their sharp edges and fraying nerves.

 “I’m sure it will be, my dear.” Garak’s voice isn’t cold anymore, something too painful to be fond flitting across his face. But Julian can’t recognize the emotion. God knows that’s never been his forte with anyone, let alone someone with as many masks as Garak.

 Julian decides that whatever it was, it’s better than the derision from before. He smiles back at Garak weakly and reminds himself they’re both on edge. No matter how many years it took to get them to this moment, their relationship is still a fledgling thing born in the sands of Risa. There’s no telling how it will fare in the clinical world of the ship or even DS9. They’re both on edge about that and the war and a million other, smaller things. Julian’s just overthinking things. God knows he has as much of problem with that as he has with misreading rooms.

 The rest of their ride back is quiet, Julian catching up on some of his research and checking in to make sure Garak’s not showing any signs of deeper anxiety. The runabout is rather small, even for what it is. But Garak’s breathing is even and there’s no clamminess to his skin, no change in scale color or pupil dilation.

 Still, Julian means to ask Garak how he feels when they arrive back on the ship, only for Sisko to sweep him away to translate codes. Julian feels at a loss until he sees Jadzia on the bridge, darting over to her side just a little too fast for it be strictly comfortable for the people around them. Julian barely cares, because he needs to tell _someone_ about what’s happened and Jadzia said she was rooting for them. That’s better than he’ll get from anyone else. “Jadzia.”

 “Should I take it you had fun on your vacation?” Jadzia raises an eyebrow as she gives him a once over, Julian not quite resisting the urge to wring his hands or grin like the idiot everyone tends to think he is. Uncomfortable moment on the runabout or not, he’s with Garak in almost every possible way. Julian’s in love with someone who might love him back someday, and really that’s more than he ever thought he’d get.

 “Oh I had a lot more than just fun, Jadzia.” Julian whispers _just_ loud enough that anyone nearby would hear him. Jadzia raises an eyebrow and Julian smirks, a devilish glint to his eyes as leans to lessen some of the space between them. He doesn’t need anyone hearing the _rest_ of the conversation.

Jadzia grins brightly, teeth almost blinding as she leans in to playfully poke him on the chest. Her voice comes out teasing and sultry, in the way that used to send shivers up his spine and now feels like a piece of home to him. It was strange how much things could shift on a few short years, that Jadzia could go from a youthful infatuation to something far more precious. “Garak?”

 “As many times as he had me.” Julian’s grin borders on smug as he takes in the way Jadzia’s eyes widen with surprise and just a hint of pride. She presses a hand over her chin and smirks coquettishly, raising one eyebrow as she uses the other hand to gesture for him to keep going. And Julian means to until he feels a familiar iron grip on his shoulder.

 “I thought you said it wasn’t like that!” Miles cries as he walks around Julian without ever letting go of his shoulder. It was impressive, honestly, but then Julian imagines its the type of skills you develop when you become a parent. He’ll never be able to test the hypothesis himself, but he can always run a test study when the war’s over. Miles finally lets go of his shoulder once he’s standing next to Jadzia, who has her right hand pressed over her mouth. As though _that_ does anything to hide her laughter.

 “It wasn’t before Thursday, but you know how Risa is, Miles.” Julian tells him with a winsome smile, voice light and playful as he leans in towards his friend. There’s no knowing smile in return though, no brotherly clasp on the shoulder. Julian feels himself wilt a bit, shoulders dropping as he gives Miles a pleading look that’s probably more desperate than he’d like. “I know you don’t exactly like Garak, but be happy for me?”

 “I am happy for you, Julian. I just think you should be careful.” Miles’ voice is stern in a way that means he’s concerned, gaze firm and genuine in his frustrated worry. That shouldn’t make Julian smile as much as it does, not really, but there was a time not so very long ago when Miles hated him. Now he worries about him sometimes, cares enough to try and stop him from making what Miles sees as mistakes.

 Julian slides a hand to Miles’ shoulder and gives him a crooked smile, gaze softening a bit. “Garak won’t hurt me.”

 “He already has.” Miles answers with a surprising amount of vitriol, voice shaking even as his gaze remains as steady as ever. Julian ignores the questions look Jadzia’s giving him, wincing as he looks out one of the portholes and pointedly not at Miles.

 Sometimes he regrets that night. A few days after his status as a freak was revealed he and Miles got truly smashed. Miles asked him if he was the strongest person on the ship. Julian laughed and told stories about wireless Cardassians pushing him against walls so they could make sure Julian heard it when he said he hated him. Miles didn’t laugh though. Instead he carefully took Julian’s hands and made him promise, physiological understanding of his actions or not, Julian would stop their game if Garak did anything like that again.

 Julian promised him and swore Garak would never hurt him again, that it was the wire, not him. Both are lies, just not in the way Miles thinks. Garak wouldn’t push him like he did that night, no. But if it had been him on that ship with Tain instead of Odo, Garak wouldn’t have hesitated.

 And Julian’s not sure he’d have stopped playing after that. Not forever. “Miles-”

 “Look, I’m not even worried about that. Not right now, anyway. But where could this possibly go?” Miles cuts him off in a tight voice, shaking his head a bit when Julian’s eyes widen and his mouth falls open a bit. He leans against the console on the brig and spreads his right arm out in the air, fingers pointing toward Julian as if in demand of an answer.

 “Go?” Is the brilliant response that Julian comes up with, tilting his head to the right as he waits for Miles to elaborate. They’ll all go back to Deep Space 9 if things work out, and back to Dominion prisons if they don’t. Julian tries to push away the memories and the new one his mind helpfully shapes for him, of a stolen Dax or Garak in a too small cell or Miles locked away by himself for 20 years again. Julian shudders a little and tries to hide it by rolling his shoulders.

Julian doesn’t think he quite manages with the way Jadzia’s gaze softens, all her earlier amusement gone as she takes a step towards him. Miles gives him a weak smile, almost contrite before he presses on anyway. “You and Garak. After the war ends, he’s going to go back to Cardassia.”

 “Of course.” Julian can’t imagine Garak would ever, _could_ ever do anything else. Garak loves Cardassia with a devotion it doesn’t deserve, considering how little his country loves him back. Garak will serve it in anyway he can, even if he’s not wanted. The only chance of him not going there would be if remained exiled, but that’s statistically unlikely as long as they win and not the Dominion.

 “So what, are you gonna resign from Starfleet and move to bloody Cardassia? Stay on Deep Space 9 and try a long distance relationship?” Miles lists off the questions Julian hasn’t let himself think about one by one, voice steady while Julian feels himself flinch on each one. Julian doesn’t know.

 “I’m not thinking about that yet.” Julian admits as he looks away from Miles and out toward the expanse of nothing out the window. Sometimes he wonders if this is what it’s like to see yourself reflected back in pure, undistilled form.

 Miles, Julian’s not a child. He knows what he’s doing.” Jadzia‘s voice is firm and a bit chiding in a way Julian’s never heard anyone but her or Garak pull off. He flicks his gaze back to then and watches as Miles’ brow furrows in defeat. Then Jadzia takes a step toward him and squeezes his shoulder, smiling in a way that feels downright conspiratorial. “Besides, sometimes you have to take a chance. I wouldn’t have had the fun I have over the past 300 years if I didn’t.”

 “Or half the trouble, I bet.” Miles grumbles as he crosses his arms and frowns with his entire body. Still, there’s a warmth to his gaze and a contriteness that wasn’t there before. Julian gives him a small smile, chest easing out of the stranglehold it’s been under for the past few minutes. He couldn’t take gaining Garak only to lose Miles. “Look, I trust you just - be careful, all right?”

 “I’ll do my best.” Julian smiles roguishly this time even as his gaze stays genuine, earning a snort of laughter from Miles. Julian’s never been careful, but if becoming that keeps everyone Julian loves in his life, he’s willing to try.

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is darker than I’ve gone in this series before, please, please let me know if you think anything else should be tagged. 
> 
> Comments? Questions?


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